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What's The Worst Joke Ever?
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Is it this one? Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? A: Because it was dead. Q: Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? A: Because it was stapled to the first one. |
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Wayne - #1 Tue, Sep 30th 2003 @ 2:37 PM 48 words |
| No, but this is. Q: Did you hear that Woody Allen would replace John Ritter in the ABC sitcom "8 simple rules for dating my teenage daughter"? A: They’re going to rename it to "8 simple ways to nail my teenage step daughter". |
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Aaron - #2 Tue, Sep 30th 2003 @ 2:38 PM 4 words |
| Oh, that's awful. |
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Aaron - #3 Tue, Sep 30th 2003 @ 2:38 PM 13 words |
| I wanted to be a doctor, but I didn't have the patients. |
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Wayne - #4 Tue, Sep 30th 2003 @ 2:42 PM 9 words |
| A man walks into a bar and says "Ouch". |
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Greg - #5 Tue, Sep 30th 2003 @ 3:07 PM 8 words |
| so this dyslexic guy walks into a rab.... |
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Greg - #6 Tue, Sep 30th 2003 @ 3:09 PM 224 words |
| This guy walks into a pub and half his head is a big orange. He says: 'I'll have a pint of lager, please.' And the barman says: 'Excuse me, I couldn't help noticing, but half your head appears to be a big orange.' And the boy goes: 'Yeah, had that for a while now.' So the barman says: 'How did that come about, if you don't mind me asking?' And the boy says: 'I was in this old junk shop when I found a lamp and when I gave it a rub this genie appeared. He offered me the standard three wishes, and I said: 'For my first wish, I'd like every woman I ever meet to fall madly in love with me.' So the genie waves his genie hands and suddenly there's women looking at me. Then the genie says: 'What will your second wish be?' I said: 'I'd like a wallet with £1million in it, and I can never lose it, it can't be destroyed, and every time I spend any of the money, it'll be replenished.' And the genie says: 'Your wish is granted. Now, what will your third wish be?' So I said: 'For my third wish, I'd like half my head to be a big orange.' |
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Aaron - #7 Tue, Sep 30th 2003 @ 7:10 PM 15 words |
| Paula says: Why did the car cross the street? 'Cause, whatever. Huh huh. |
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Jim - #8 Tue, Sep 30th 2003 @ 10:05 PM 24 words |
| Did you hear the one about the insomniac, agnostic, dyslexic? He lay awake at night wondering if there really is a Dog. |
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Aaron - #9 Tue, Sep 30th 2003 @ 10:08 PM 26 words |
| A blonde, a nun, the pope, a midget and a donkey walk into a bar. The bartender says "What is this, some kind of a joke?" |
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Aaron - #10 Tue, Sep 30th 2003 @ 10:47 PM 1660 words |
| Super long joke, so, super small text: Sometimes the only way to enjoy a joke is to force it upon others. So here you go.... A young man (let's say he was 8 years old, though history does not specify) was on his way to school one day. As he was strolling merrily along, admiring the beauty of an early spring day, he happened to overhear a couple of slightly older girls talking. The conversation revolved around a purple feather. Now, of course the young man knew what a purple feather was, but in the context of this particular conversation (again, history does not specify the context), the girls could not possibly be referring simply to a feather that was purple. So he stopped and asked them.... "Excuse me, I couldn't help but overhear your conversation." He was a very polite little boy. "Would you mind telling me what a purple feather is?" The girls giggled to each other. Then the taller of the two said, "Why don't you ask your teacher?" So the boy continued on his way to school. When he got to school, he contained his excitement until recess, which he felt was the proper time to ask a non-school-related question. "Teacher, I was on my way to school this morning when I heard these two girls talking about a purple feather. I was curious, so I asked them what a purple feather was, and they told me to ask my teacher. Teacher, what's a purple feather?" The look on the teacher's face was one of (if you'll pardon the expression) shock and awe. When she finally found her voice, she said to the boy, "Young man, you're going to the principal's office!" The boy sat in front of the principal's office, very confused, but confident the principal could sort this out. After about fifteen minutes, the principal called him into his office. "Now, son, we've never had any troubles before. What's all this about?" So the boy began: "I was on my way to school this morning when I heard these two girls talking about a purple feather. I asked them what a purple feather was, and they told me to ask my teacher. I asked my teacher, and she sent me here. I don't understand why, but I'd still like to know: what is a purple feather?" The principal's face became stern, his manner severe. "Young man, you are expelled from this school! Go home this very moment!" Our hero was, as you might expect, even more surprised and confused by his treatment at the hands of the principal. Nevertheless, he dutifully went home. His mother, surprised to see him home so soon, asked him what had happened. He told her his story: "I was on my way to school this morning when I heard these two girls talking about a purple feather. I asked them what a purple feather was, and they told me to ask my teacher. I asked my teacher, and she sent me to the principal's office. I asked the principal, and he expelled me from school! I just don't get it! Mom, what's a purple feather?" His mother gasped. "Young man, go to your room and stay there until your father gets home!" By this point Junior was a little concerned. He had no idea what a purple feather was, but the mere mention of it was enough to generate strong reactions from everyone to whom he'd spoken. He was concerned, but he was even more determined to find out what a purple feather was. Finally, his father arrived home. He came in and sat down on the bed, encouraging his son to sit next to him. He put an arm around the lad's shoulder and said, "Your mom says you had a rough day at school?" The tyke took this as an invitation to elaborate, so he tried again. "I was on my way to school this morning when I heard these two girls talking about a purple feather. I asked them what a purple feather was, and they told me to ask my teacher. I asked my teacher, and she sent me to the principal's office. I asked the principal, and he expelled me from school! I asked Mom, and she sent me to my room. Dad, I'm a little scared. I don't know what's going on. Would you please just tell me what a purple feather is?" His father's face grew red. For a long time he was silent. Finally, through clenched teeth, he said, "Get out of my house." By now baffled, the boy gathered up a few things, and left. He walked for a couple miles, then sat on a street corner to rest. A police officer walking his beat spotted him and walked over. "Why aren't you in school, son?" "I'm not allowed." "What?!" "Well, you see, I was on my way to school today when I heard these two girls talking about a purple feather. I asked them what a purple feather was, and they told me to ask my teacher. I asked my teacher, and she sent me to the principal's office. I asked the principal, and he expelled me from school! I asked my mom, and she sent me to my room. I asked my dad, and he kicked me out of the house! Officer, my parents always said if I was ever confused or scared, I should talk to a policeman. Right now, I'm both. Can you tell me what a purple feather is?" The officer's right hand went to the butt of his gun. As his left hand grabbed the handcuffs from his belt, he said, "Young man, you're under arrest!" The boy spent his first night away from home in a jail cell. The next morning he went before the judge. The bailiff called his case, and the judge asked him to tell his story. "Well, your honor, I was on my way to school yesterday when I heard these two girls talking about a purple feather. I asked them what a purple feather was, and they told me to ask my teacher. I asked my teacher, and she sent me to the principal's office. I asked the principal, and he expelled me from school! I asked my mom, and she sent me to my room. I asked my dad, and he kicked me out of the house. I asked a policeman, and he threw me in jail! Your honor, I have no idea what's going on here. I'll be happy to pay a fine, if you'll just tell me what a purple feather is." The judge was outraged! "No fine for you, young man. You're going to jail for twenty years!" As tends to happen in these stories, twenty years passed. The boy, now a young man, was free. As also tends to happen in these stories, he was still tormented by the question that caused him such trouble twenty years ago. He sat down in a bar to contemplate his ruined youth, and his next move. The barman approached him. "What can I get....hey, why so glum, pal?" The young man said, "Twenty years ago, I was on my way to school one day when I heard these two girls talking about a purple feather. I asked them what a purple feather was, and they told me to ask my teacher. I asked my teacher, and she sent me to the principal's office. I asked the principal, and he expelled me from school! I asked my mom, and she sent me to my room. I asked my dad, and he kicked me out of the house! I asked a policeman, and he threw me in jail. I asked the judge, and he sentenced me to prison for twenty years! It seems to me all of this could have been avoided if someone would've just told me what a purple feather was." The barkeep said, "Man, that's rough. Have one on the house." He poured a glass of beer for our protagonist. "Tell ya what, buddy. I heard about a purple feather. I can't say that I know what it is myself, but I heard that the whole story of the purple feather is spelled out just a couple blocks away." The young man did a spit take. "Really?! Where?" The bartender said, "Okay, you take a right here on Third, then you take the left fork - that's Morgan. You go four blocks down Morgan, 'til you get to Crane. Two blocks down Crane, there's a five-story brown building on the left. That's an office building. Go to suite 213, and you'll have your purple feather." The man was much too excited to finish his beer. He tipped the barman handsomely, and left the bar. He went right on Third. He came to the fork. He took the left fork. He turned on Crane. He could see the five-story brown building two blocks away. He got excited. He began to run. He crossed Oakwood against the light, and was hit by a car. He died on the way to the hospital. Moral of the Story: Look both ways before you cross the street. |
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Aaron - #11 Tue, Sep 30th 2003 @ 10:51 PM 20 words |
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Jim - #12 Tue, Sep 30th 2003 @ 11:36 PM 16 words |
| Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb? A: The cat! |
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Chad - #13 Wed, Sep 17th 2008 @ 9:32 PM 14 words |
| What does a fish say when it hits a concrete wall? "Damn!" |
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Chad - #14 Wed, Sep 17th 2008 @ 9:33 PM 15 words |
| What do you call a dog with no hind legs and steel balls? "Sparky!" |
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Chad - #15 Wed, Sep 17th 2008 @ 9:33 PM 23 words |
| What do you call a dog with no legs at all? "It doesn't matter, he can't come to you anyway!" |
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Chad - #16 Wed, Sep 17th 2008 @ 9:33 PM 17 words |
| Where do you find a dog with no legs at all? "Right where you left him!" |
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Chad - #17 Wed, Sep 17th 2008 @ 9:34 PM 11 words |
| What do you call a woman with one leg? "ilean!" |
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Chad - #18 Wed, Sep 17th 2008 @ 9:35 PM 12 words |
| What do you call a Chinese woman with one leg? "irene!" |
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Chad - #19 Wed, Sep 17th 2008 @ 9:35 PM 12 words |
| What do you call a cow with no legs? "Ground beef!" |
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Chad - #20 Wed, Sep 17th 2008 @ 9:36 PM 22 words |
| How does a whale have oral sex? "He bites the cap off of a sub-marine and sucks the seamen out!" |
Aaron #239
Tue, Sep 30th 2003